so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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