everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
