He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
