currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
