If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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