So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
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