You don't have asthma, your pregnant
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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