Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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