dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
