Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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