We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
