He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Naked. naked and bneed help.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
