I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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