i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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