So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
