he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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