My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
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After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
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i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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