Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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