Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
