R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
