Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
