My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
