I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
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