once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
