Your tits are I can't wait for
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
