We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
