i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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