Cold hands, warm shart.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
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