My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
