I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
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Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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