I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I intend to get homeless drunk
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
