Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
