Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
