i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
