what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
