Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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