I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
