I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Dignity is for republicans.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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