Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
