I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
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