it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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