you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
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then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
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That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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