At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
i believe in u and ur pee
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
