I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
