I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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