He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm getting married
To pizza
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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