That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
