Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
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after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
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what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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