I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
