Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
