Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I fill condoms, not promises.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
