Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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