pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
