Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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