Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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