The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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