I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
