apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
