DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
