I've blown a few things in my day
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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