i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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