She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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