5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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