I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
