i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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