so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
