My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
