When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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