i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
