I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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