i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
