Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
