Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
