She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
