Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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